UNANSWERED PRAYERS

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God

Psalm  42:5  NIV

I’m so happy to be back from my two-month summer break. The name of my blog is Life Happens. And boy has life been happening these last few weeks! It always makes me feel more in sync with God to discuss His promises, His commands, and His ultimate will for us with you.

The title of this blog post is Unanswered Prayers. We’ve all had them. We pray; yet a loved one still dies. We still didn’t get the job…the house…the girl. We’ve lost our purpose in life.

Why isn’t God answering our prayers? Isn’t He supposed to love us? Why is He ignoring us?

In my June blog, Faith that Survives Disappointment, I expressed the following… So when life’s outcomes disappoint us, take a deep breath and DON’T THROW IN THE TOWEL! How is God using this setback to bring us closer to our desired outcome? Obviously, our way is not working!

  https://mvarga.com/life-inspiration/faith-that-survives-disappointment/

My long-time unanswered prayer has been to appear like a normal person, despite my traumatic brain injury. Needing a walker to move around is humbling enough. Since my TBI, I innately lean my head to the right-side as well.. I always thought it was caused by my imbalance. It turns out I have a separate condition called Cervical Dystonia. My brain injury only exasperates the problem.

My Neurologist recommended Botox be injected in my neck to paralyze the neck muscles and mask the condition…allowing me to stand up straight. Botox only paralyzes the muscles temporarily, lasting about 3 months. All I can say is “Thank You Lord!”

Apparently, I am extremely sensitive to the effects of Botox. I’ve been walking around with my chin on my chest for 8 weeks now. The condition is called Drop head. No amount of exercising can cure it. The muscle is paralyzed..It has gotten slightly better as the drug wears off, but my prayer of appearing normal was completely short-circuited…along with my independence and ability to lead exercise classes.

I also say, “Thank You Lord” that my son, Andrew is in town, and still single. He’s been able to stay at my condo to ensure my safety as I spend the day staring at my navel. As a bonus…he is a good cook!

And a third Thank You Lord, for the Visiting Angel my brother,Paul gave me for Christmas a few years ago… to take me wherever I need to go and help me 3 days/week for several hours.

My Angel, Lori has become a dear friend and for several weeks now has given a new meaning to the word caregiver. I can’t see beyond what’s right in front of me. Lori has been able to keep me from running into people &things, as well as not tripping over my own feet as I look at the ground.

What did I say to Lori and my son, Andrew?  “Leave me alone! I can do this myself!” They were just trying to keep me from running into things. I hated admitting that I needed help! My independence was temporarily gone!

I knew this was temporary, but that didn’t keep me from lashing out. Of course I apologized, but why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Why do we always seem to take it out on those closest to us?

 (Probably because we know they will love us anyway)         

Someday, I will laugh at this! I requested the Botox. I wanted so much to sit and stand normally!

The Bible tells us that the Lord hears all our prayers. But we must wait patiently for His timing.

But if we hope for what we do not yet see, then we wait for it with patience.

Romans 8:25  (NIV)

My New Catholic Bible even tells me
I am the Lord, and I will accomplish all this
    at the appointed time.

Isaiah 60:22 (New Catholic Bible)

I’m ready for Your appointed time NOW Lord! Haven’t I waited long enough?

Then I decided that maybe God doesn’t want me to be normal. Maybe He wants me to stand out  (as I stand up for Him.) What’s so great about being normal? Shouldn’t we want to be extraordinary?

That’s what I tell myself when the frustration and anger (mostly at myself) subsides.     

So why didn’t God answer my prayer? Here’s my theory:

I was putting my value in my physical appearance, ahead of in Him. I was complaining, when I should have been eternally greatful for friends and family who were a lot more concerned with ensuring my personal safety.

In a few weeks, life will be back to normal again. And yes…I will probably try a more targeted and REDUCED dose of Botx in my neck., I loved standing tall…even with my ‘drop head’.

When I arrived to teach an exercise class for the first time since my drop head, one of my students called me a warrior. My family has another name for it. They call me ‘bullheaded’. Think I like warrior better.

My dream of appearing normal may or may not be fulfilled. But I will ALWAYS BE A CHRIST-FOLLOWER with or without a leaning head.

That’s what God asks of all of us.

Dear Lord,

I’ve really done it to myself this time. I asked for this!  (the treatment…not the side-effects)

Thank You for surrounding me with people who love me and don’t mind helping me. Even though You know I hate needing help!

Thank You for Your patience and compassion with my stubbornness and impatience.

Most importantlly,, thank You for loving me even with a right-leaning head.

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